Tuesday, June 30, 2009


are there different types? i say yes there are different types of hugs, you don't give your boyfriend/husband the same type of hug as you give your mother, father, brother, sister, etc. the hugs that you give and receive from your boyfriend/husband are different they tell you how much he loves you, cares for you and will protect you. i never thought about the hugs that i gave or received much until a couple of weeks ago and it got me to thinking about what is said with a hug. love, protection, caring, tenderness, compassion, happiness, joy, forgiveness. i am a girl that likes to be hugged and held, i like to know that i am loved and cared for and a hug says thous things to me. the man that i am with now loves to give hugs to the people that he cares most about and he makes me truly happy right now and i can see a future with him.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

things are a changing...

in so many ways in my life right now. i just found out yesterday that my divorce is final and i am a single girl again. i have not been single since i was 16 years old. so how do i move on, how do i start a new chapter in my life, where do i go from here? all good questions and i only have one answer for all 3, take one day at a time and keep going. this is NOT the end of the world even though at times it may feel like it but it's not so i pick myself up and start each new day fresh. a fresh new day from God so you can make it the best or the worst day and i choose to make it the best day. this journey loosing the weight loosing a man that i have loved half my life are some big chapters in my life.

some background: my husband could not love me the way that i wanted to be loved. so i tried and tried to make him change i have tried for 15 long years to have him love me completely and it just wouldn't or couldn't happen. so i took charge of the one thing that i could and that was my weight!! so december 7th, 2006 i started weight watchers when i stepped on that scale for that first night i weighed in at 239 pounds. WOW!!! i was in shock that i weighed that much and that i had let myself go that i was not taking care of myself. my world was my husband and his happiness i always wanted to make sure he was happy and did not think of my happiness. so i start loosing weight feeling better about myself having more self confidence that i have not had in so many years and i start thinking that maybe this will change how he looks at me and he loves me! but nothing changes it was same day in and day out life that we had. my heart was in a million pieces i loved this man completely and whole heatedly and he couldn't love me the same way and it broke my heart. things happened and things changed for us and lead us to make the choice of a divorce. so here i am a stronger women with a hard lesson that i learned the hard way (but that is how i learn sometimes). i have also learned i am who i am and that i need to be true to myself and not settle, that i am not asking to much from a partner a man to love me completely and whole heartily because i will do the same.

so as for my current weight i have been gaining the last couple months i am eating everything and anything and i know this is BAD. so back onto the treadmill i go and counting my points each day and writing it all down again getting myself back on track. i have not gone over my 175 lifetime weight with WW but i am close so i am working on loosing 10 pounds to get away from the 175 and so i can fit into my summer close :) again.