why oh why

can i not get my eating under control???? what's wrong with me????  i know what i need to do i have done it before so what's so different now?  is it the fact that i have lost so much weight or the fact that i don't really care?  well i really do care, i want to be back into my favorite pair of jeans and into my cute work close again so what do i need to do? what do i need to change?  i'm just so mad with myself that i just don't care either until i look in the mirror and see what i am doing to my body again and i don't want to look like i did before and its not if i want to loose a 100 pounds i just want to loose 50.  this is a good goal for me 50, 50, 50 so how do i keep this 50 in my face to keep me on track and to keep me looking forward to the end result.  end result will be a slimmer me and a better looking me and more cute close to wear, but a better looking me and more confident me.  i see that i am loosing some of that and i hate that, i want to be confident in myself and the way i look.  i want to look better for adrian as well.

it's a new year

so 2011 has began and so is all the diets and resolution's that everyone makes.  i guess this year that includes me.  i started back to weight watchers 01/06/2011 with starting weight of 196.0 21 pounds over my goal weight so it's back to counting points measuring everything out and drinking all that water everyday.  tonight is my first weigh in since being back on the program and i am alittle nerves about going not really sure how i did this week.  i did keep within my points, no big oopies, and a big cut back on my pop and starbucks :)  i know i have lost something since my pants fit better then they have in awhile.  i feel better but I'm scared with the emotional baggage that i am still dealing with that i will relapse way to easy, but if i am paying ww each month and having to go to a meeting maybe that will hold me accountable to the food that i put in my mouth.  my husband has been a big help this last week.  he is also trying to loose some weight before he hits the ice to play hockey :) the next few months.  i have to say i am liking the new program though i love the fact that fresh fruits and veggies are free 0 points :) love it love it love it!!! so i will keep you posted on how the weigh in goes tonight.