why oh why

can i not get my eating under control???? what's wrong with me????  i know what i need to do i have done it before so what's so different now?  is it the fact that i have lost so much weight or the fact that i don't really care?  well i really do care, i want to be back into my favorite pair of jeans and into my cute work close again so what do i need to do? what do i need to change?  i'm just so mad with myself that i just don't care either until i look in the mirror and see what i am doing to my body again and i don't want to look like i did before and its not if i want to loose a 100 pounds i just want to loose 50.  this is a good goal for me 50, 50, 50 so how do i keep this 50 in my face to keep me on track and to keep me looking forward to the end result.  end result will be a slimmer me and a better looking me and more cute close to wear, but a better looking me and more confident me.  i see that i am loosing some of that and i hate that, i want to be confident in myself and the way i look.  i want to look better for adrian as well.