i am me and i am okay!

I wanted to share this with you all I saw it in an office last week and thought I should share it with all of you. Hope you have a great Tuesday!

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

Virginia Satir quote

i posted this on my other blog as well but i thought it really fits over here on my weight loss blog as well. this is so true with how we need to feel about one's self. we have to love our self's even with out little imperfections that we may have. the imperfections make each one of us who we are from the inside out. we all have issues and battles that we deal with each and every day but is it really worth the stress, headaches, and heart aches that we have over these issues. why is it that we can not just love who we are totally and completely with all the imperfections that make us unique and special. i am learning that i am a beautiful women with many things to offer my family and friends. i have also learned about myself that if you feel confident you will be able to do anything that you set your mind to. one last thing is your metal health goes right along with your physical health if one is out of whack the other will be as well.

weight loss update!!

so the stress is starting to easy up some for me. i am finally able to eat 3 meals a day and enjoy eating again. making sure that i am not over eating and eating a ton of junk either. the one this that i have not been able to get back into is drinking all my water in a day. so that is the goal for this next week to get back into drinking my 6 waters a day. i plan on weighing in on Monday night at WW so i can see where i am. i think i will be okay though weighed in this morning at home and i was at 160.7 (that's my lowest so far) so i am making sure i am taking care of me.

speaking of taking care of me i am in counseling i am attending once a week and this last week was my first visit and it really made me feel better. i have homework that i am working on and just about done but when you have not had to do goal setting and thinking about how you want your life to be better it's a little difficult but i am doing it. this whole thing is making me a better person and a strong women for it. yes it totally sucks the big one but i could not live my life the way it was this will all workout for the best i know it i just have to keep telling myself this.

thanks for all the comments and words of encouragement that everyone has left for me. hugs to you all.

apartment...

check out my other blog here to see the photo's of my new apartment.

Deep Breath!!

Okay so a few of you know that I have been going through a very very ruff path in my life right now. So here is what's going on in my life, Corey and I have split up and we are filing for divorce. I know this is a BIG shock to alot of you out there but things have happened that can not be taken back and we feel it is best for the both of us to end the marriage. I have moved out and am now living in an apartment here in Hermiston. I will have some photo's for you on my next post. It's a cute little 600 square foot one bedroom apartment on the second floor. I have a great view of the city and it's my new home for at least the next year. I am holding my head up and taking on day at a time and not letting this beat me down. Yes there are moments that I am hurt, mad, sad and can't stop crying but for the most part I am moving on. I am trying to find myself and become a person that I need to be to move forward. I have to say at the moment I really don't like living by myself I went from my parent's and to Corey and we have been married for the last 15 years I have never had to live on my own a BIG change for this girl. But I know this will only make me a stronger women and with my family and friends supporting me I will make it.

I have to say Thank You to my 3 BFF's your the best and thanks to Cindy for letting me go to Church with you. It's been uplifting to know that there is Hope and Forgiveness for me.

I do have a new email address @ theskinnygirlinme@gmail.com

EEEK!!!!

can you believe that this is ME!! yep this is me in June 2006. Carrie sent me this photo yesterday and when i opened it up i could not believe what i looked like. it's hard to think that was me just a short time ago, what a journey this is.

stressed and freaked out

are the two words that explain me a the moment. so many things going on in my life right now and my weight loss is on the back burner which is totally where it should not be right now. it needs to be at the top of my list and in my face. i have to start thinking about me first (yes i am going to be very selfish at this point and time). i am worth putting myself first in my life at this point and time.

so many changes in my life that i really can't talk about even though i really want to but it's just not right time to let everyone know. so i just ask for your thoughts and prayers as i go through this stressful time in my life. i know in the end all will work out for the best.

so today my weight loss is 77 pounds :) that makes me very happy to see that number i have been struggling for so long to get over the 75 pound mark and now that i am there i am looking for the 80 pound mark. today at work i have a client come in and ask me if i have been running and i asked him why? he stated you look like you have lost some weight i said yes i am about half the size that i used to be, i have lost 77 pounds. he was shocked that i have been able to loose that much weight, and he paid me a complement that i look good.

WOW!!!

can you believe that this is my the photo was taken September 2006. i just can not get over how much i have changed in this time frame not just on the out side but on the side as well. i feel so much better about myself and who i am as a women that i never knew before. I need a new current photo to post to show the new me.

75 pounds and counting

that's right i have hit 75.6 pounds lost since December 7th, 2006. It has been a long journey with many ups and downs and i am proud of what I have been able to achieve in this journey. i have gained self confidence and an inner strength that i thought i had lost. i am proud of who i am and i know i can do anything that i set my mind to. when i was heavier i would have never done some of the things that i find myself doing right now. i love shopping there are so many cute things out there and i can buy them now i am in a size 12 from a 22. what a change in who i am inside and out. it's amazing how we learn from things that we do in our life time and i am proud that i have taken this lesson i would not change it for anything.

Thanks to everyone who has been with me since the beginning of this journey.

okay so...

i lost another 2.4 pounds!!! how exciting is that. i know that i am not lossing really how i need to loss but i am lossing. total todate is 71.8 pounds lost.

nerves!

i have not went and weighed in since October 6th, so i am nerves about weighing in tonight. i am pretty sure it will be a loss due to the fact that i have been under a ton of stress and i have not been eating. which yes i know is not a good thing at all but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. i will keep you posted!

i made it!!

i am a lifetime member of WW. i am so happy and proud of myself that i have been able to get this weight off and keep it off for over the last 22 months. even though i had help with a dr.s note i am so happy with my current weight. i think i look good and i feel great, i am able to get up and go and not hurt and i love love wearing jeans (which i so hated when i was fat). i can stand on my feet longer without them hurting. so who's to say if someone is to fat or thin, i think if you are truly happy with your weight then stay with it, and i am. yes another 10 pounds would be great but if it does not happen so what i am happy at 170.0 pounds.

one more week

in just one more week i will be a life time member of weight watchers. i am a little unhappy with myself after tonight's weigh in since i gained 2.2 pounds. i am still below the 175 mark so i am still okay. i am back on track though for tomorrow and the rest of the week. i want to have a loss for next week.

junk food news

i came across this web cite today and thought it was kind of interesting. goes to show you that junk food is more popular then healthy food. we are a nation of fast food junkie's and that's why we are a very fat nation. but at least some of us are willing to step up and take control of our eating and work at becoming a healthier person. for all of you out there working hard at loosing weight and becoming a healthier person keep up the great work.

weigh in time!

so i had my weigh in tonight and i had a small gain .8, and i am okay with that. knowing that i eat really bad over the weekend and on monday when i just had to have a cheese burger and fries from cougar country while i was in pullman, washington. so i am ok with it. i am still below the 175 mark and speaking of the 175 pound mark i have 2 more weigh ins and i will be a life time member with the help of my doctor. but i am still able to loose as much as i want to but just not have to pay $39.95 each month.

i have entered into an 8 week weight loss challenge in hope's it will keep me motivated and on track. you can also be part of the challenge just go here and check it out.

hope everyone can stay on track for the weekend. i will be working hard to stay on track for monday's weigh in and loose the .8 that i gained this week.

Biggest Loser is Back!!

Yep Bob and Jillian are back and ready to make the new contestants loose there weight and bad habits. Last night watched the Biggest Loser Family and it's so eye opening for me now that I have lost most of my weight I wonder why I gained the weight. What was the reason for eating just to eat and only gain it as fat and become unhealthily. It's still inspiring to me to watch the show and I just feel like I need to get my butt moving and working out more then I am. So I am excited to see how much weight that they will all loose over these next few months.

I am happy to say I had a great weigh in on Monday night I lost 3.6 pounds for a total weight loss of 69.8 pounds total. My goal is to hit 75 pounds lost by the end of the month. I am staying on track and staying really focused right now. Hope you have been able to keep up with your weight lose goals.

a goal of 175...

has been set. so after talking with my doctor we set a goal for my weight at 175. so i am really tying to stay below 175 so i can make life time with ww, and so far so good with 2 weeks down i am getting closer to the 7 weeks that i have to stay under my goal weight. i am still able to keep loosing weight even. so far this has helped me staying on track and make me start really
thinking about what I am eating. on my scale at home since tuesday i have lost almost 6 pounds, but over the weekend i had gained most of that that's why i only lost .2 last night at weigh in. i have also been trying to get my butt to curves 5 days a weeks so this week with monday a holiday i have only went 2 twice, had a hair appointment wednesday and yesterday was my 15th wedding Anniversary and so tonight i will be going. tomorrow i will 1 to 2 miles in a parade so i will have some exercise this weekend as well..

fear

i received this today in my email box a work and i just wanted to share it with you all. as you read this i am sure you will find that you may have had this fear. i know i have a fear of speaking in public, this is something that i have been working on for the last few years with my voluntary work with Relay For Life with ACS. then there is always the fear of the weigh in's everyweek for ww. i know that this should be a cake walk by now since i have been doing ww since 12/07/2006, but each week i fear what the scale will say.

Little Miracle

Fear

Fear is a killer of dreams. Fear is the primary reason for failure. Fear corrodes the container. Fear short-circuits our immune system. Fear begets financial cholesterol. Fear has many siblings: worry, anger, resentment, ego, and narcissism. In fact, anything opposite of love has fear as its father. We fear and worry about things that never happen but we keep fearing and worrying anyway. Mark Twain penned these prophetic words, “The things I worried about seldom came about.” Some fear meeting strangers. Some fear attending an event as a solitary stranger. Some have a fear of speaking to an audience. We fear almost every situation that would contribute to our journey to bountiful, both personally and professionally. Fear is a learned response. Any learned response can be unlearned. William James so insight fully wrote, “We must become dis-inhibited.” Fear shackles us to our penury. Be a prisoner of hope not a prisoner of fear.

Hesitation is a form of fear. I read the following by George W. Dudley, on a tall cup of Starbucks regular, in Phoenix, Arizona three years ago:

The hesitation to initiate contact with prospective buyers on a consistent daily basis is responsible for the failure of more competent, motivated, capable salespeople that any other factor. Nothing else even comes close.

The Marketing Director for Merrill Lynch in La Jolla, California addressed his fears with the following:

Each Day

Begin each day with a cup of coffee, a pen, pad and a question:

What brave things will I do today to increase my income?

Next Monday I will share a few very poignant, fear removing quotes from some mental giants.

From the Little Miracles books
By Mel Kaufmann
kaufmannmelvin@charter.net

points!

points~
2~english muffin with jelly
3~oatmeal
4~chicken cabbage salad
0~carrots
2~fiber one bar
2~popcorn


water~
44 of 48 oz

a weekend recap!

tired to eat within my points but failed again but at least when i weighed this morning i was the same weight as last monday. i am not sure why i am struggling again. what's up with not being able to really stick with the program why do i eat more then i should or eat what i really shouldn't be eating. i know i can do it but i am just not able to stay focused on what i need to do to get where i need to be. so what's my problem? why am i doing this to myself? i just hope that going to the doctor this next week will give me a boost and really make me strive to get to my goal weight.

okay so i am done for the moment.


hope you all had a great weekend.

it's a hump day baby!!

it's a wednesday alright and i am so ready to go home after i go to the store (which i am NOT buying any ice cream) to get a few things to go with dinner tonight. i am doing pork steaks, mashed potato's, peaches, cottage cheese and maybe a nice bakery bread to round it out. i am so looking forward to water aerobics tonight it has been a hot day today and tomorrow we are to hit 100 (thank goodness i work in a nice cool office).


points~
2~english muffin w/ butter
3~oatmeal
(i only eat about 1/2 my breakfast though i got full weird)
2~fiber one bar
4~smart one (frozen dinner)
1~pop corn
1~mini mounds bar

water~
48 of 48oz :)

i am back!

i took a week off from blogging. i had ww weigh in last night and it went okay i did not gain but i did not loose either i stayed the same. i am totally happy with that since i did not track my points this last week and i ate way to much ice cream. so i am back blogging and tracking i need to be at 70 pounds lost by the 22nd of august. i have my yearly doctor's appointment and i am hoping he will remove me from some of my pills that i take each day.

hope you all have a great week.


points~
2~english muffin w/jelly
4~starbucks
3~veggie corn dog
2~chips
1~100 cal popcorn
2~chips
8~corn bread trukey country gravy
0~hot chocolate

i am so happy!!

so my weigh in tonight went great i lost 4 pounds yes that's right 4 pounds. i am still on cloud nine that i lost that much but it makes up for the 4.6 gain last week. so i am going to keep up the good work to have another great weigh in next monday.

I thought that this would inspire you this week.

The Olympics are upon us. What can we learn from the Olympics that will impact the lives of us who live and work on Main Street? We can learn that life is a journey to our longings. It is not always as we plan. Failures are as much a part of our success as our successes. Winston Churchill was overheard saying, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing our enthusiasm.”

We can also learn to reach beyond our grasp. Go beyond the impossible. The impossible just takes a little longer. John Madden so insight fully wrote, “If Fred Biletnikoff had lived up to his potential he would not become a Raider.” On May 6, 1954 in Vancouver, BC, Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile. He did the impossible. Only two months later in Australia John Landy broke Roger’s record. John added another impossible to an impossible. Dick Fosbury broke tradition by winning the high jump in the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City by jumping over the bar backwards and he broke the world record with his Fosbury flop in the process. The judges tried to disqualify him but could find no broken rules. So success is not a destination, it is an expedition; a well-structured journey. Robert Frost, one of the greatest thinkers of the 20th century wrote, “The road diverged into the wood. I took the one less traveled.

Little Miracle

Don’t go for the Bronze

No coach shouts at an athlete who is trying out for the Olympics, “Go for the bronze!” If an athlete goes for the gold, why not you? If you use the Little Miracles occasionally or if you allow the Little Miracles to gather dust, you won’t even get a copper. You won’t even get a nickel. You won’t even get a wooden nickel. Why not use the Little Miracles at every opportunity for the rest of your professional journey? The principles are generic. They cut across all commercial pursuits. Whether you are a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker, they apply. The Little Miracles are like a searing knife through arctic blubber; easy and effortless. I am amazed that everyone isn’t utilizing the Little Miracles every day. This is the thirteenth Little Miracle. Why not review them and execute them before the sun sets on today? If you would like a copy of the previous twelve Little Miracles, I am only an e-mail away.

Your gold is waiting

From the Little Miracles books
By Mel Kaufmann

I hope that you all go for the Gold this week.

23 points in a day!

points~
3~oatmeal
2~english muffin with jelly
5~bacon lettuce sandwich
0~carrots
0~bell pepper
1~root beer float
1~peppermint patty (suger free)
??~spagetti
1~large green salad
??~2 peices garlic bread
4~ice cream


water~
16 of 48oz

crockpot mexican chicken

Crockpot Mexican Chicken

3 cans corn niblets
3-4 chicken breasts
3 cans black beans (drained)
1 jar chunky salsa
taco seasoning

spray crockpot with pam put corn in bottom of pot. place chick (fresh or frozen) on top. sprinkly taco seasoning on top of that pour in jar of salsa Pour beans on top of that Cook on low about 5 hours. After about 4 hours, shred the chicken with a fork (should be tender enough to just shred apart by stirring - or sometimes I'll take out the chicken, shred it up and place it back in the crockpot).

i do not put the corn in but put 2 large cans of green chiles on the bottom and i add one more can of black beans.

1 cup = 3 points for ww gals

happy wednesday!!

i am in great spirits today i weighed at home this morning and i am down 2.2 pounds from just monday's weigh in (at home). so i must be doing something right. i have been working on what we talked about this week at the ww meeting of practicing and preparing for your day. so i am planning out my meals to help me keep within my daily points. i am also making sure i get all my water intake as well. i am still working on going to bed just a tad bit earlier then i have been this week. with all that is going on with my buster dog it makes it a little harder but that will soon pass.

i went to water aerobics last night even though i froze but i felt good that i went, and did not pimp out. i am so loving the water aerobics this year, it a chance to get out of the house and do something for me. i have been able to see a difference in my abs that the are alittle more toned.

so i hope that you have a great wednesday as well.

points~
3~oatmeal
2~english muffin with jelly
4~chicken cabbage salad
3~55 little gold fish crackers :)
0~1/3 apple
5~pork steak
2~mashed potato
1~green beans
4~root beer float :)



water~
50 of 48 oz

not a big shock!!

so last nights weigh in was not a big shock to me, but is was better then i thought it was going to be though. so the bad news is i have gained 4.6 pounds since july 7th. it really could have been worse but i am ok with it, i already feel better drinking all my water yesterday and eating better.

i was talking with one of my ww gals last night (she is also struggling right now) about how we are addicted to food and what is the reason for this addiction. why is it so hard to break the cycle of bad eating habits? and my other question is why is it so easy to break the good eating habits? all these questions with not a whole lot of answers but trying to keep the best out look and that i some day i will find the right answers to these questions (i will be old and grey by that time).

i just wonder what it truly my relationship problem with food. i have not had any major events in my life that i would have turned to food for comfort. i do know that i am a boredom eater, so i need to try to keep myself busy at home specially on the weekends so i will not over eat. so one thing i am going to try again to help is write in a diary about all my feeling that i have, sorry i just can't share everything here for the whole world to read.

i think i have babbled enough for today. i hope that you all are having a good tuesday.


points~
3~oatmeal
2~english muffin with jelly
3~veggie corn dog with ketchup
2~100 cal pringles
4~starbucks
2~100 cal fig newtons
9~veggie pattie sandwiches


water~ 28 of 48oz

have you missed me?

well things have been crazy here for me. i think my life will be back to (somewhat) normal again now that buster is home and surgery went well. (go here to learn more)

i got on the scale this morning at home and i am up 8 pounds from the first part of the month. this make me very :( sad that i have not been able to stay focus and driven. but today is a new day and i need a MEETING. i need a good meeting to help me get back on track and to help me rethink my food choices. it is all my fault that i have gained and the reason i have gained is i did not care about me or my weight i just cared about food. i have eaten what ever i have wanted to the last few weeks now and i have not been going to the meetings for the last two weeks. so it's out of my system right i don't need all the cookies burgers and junk food right?

i have a challenge for myself i need to be at 170 pounds by the 22nd of august, the reason being o have my yearly check up with my doctor and want to come off some of my meds and i want to know where he thinks i need to be as far as my weight and not what the ww goal for me is.

so today is my fresh start (again) to a healthier life and to getting back on track and watching what goes in my mouth.

points~
3~oatmeal (cinnamon roll)
2~english muffin with blackberry jelly
4~chicken cabbage salad
3~cheese stick (cheddar)
0~fuji apple
6~morning star chicken (less) patties
4~hamburger bun with miracle whip and relish
4~strawberry ice cream

water~ 52 of 48 oz :)

"To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when no one else will."

Sugar Ray Robinson (1921–1989)

Professional boxer

not a good day!!

i am totally struggling right now and i am so mad and upset at myself for not being strong enough to say no or to stick within my points. so i have asked myself the question can i give up and the answer is NO!!! i can't give up i need to keep plugging along and find a way to get back on track 100% not just work the program when i want to. i need to be working the program each and everyday of the week. i just can't figure out what has changed that i am not able to do the right things. it was so easy before but now it's so hard and i just don't understand. i am happy with my weight now and like the size that i am, but in order to be a life time member i will need to be at 146-117 pounds can i really make it to there weight goal? right now i say no i can't, so is the 146 playing with my mind that i just think that i can't so why not mess up and eat what i want when i want. i am just getting frustrated again because the scale is not moving in the direction that i want it to move in and it's playing head games with me. :( why does this have to be so firkin hard and why does it play with your mind so bad? what can i do to change things mentally for me?

maybe i need to work on my word of the year again. SUCCESS!! i am to have success in 2008, this is my year to shine bright and stand out in a crowd. what is my success each day? this is what i am going to start working on first listing each days successes, and getting myself back into the happy place to help me start loosing again.


points~
3~oatmeal
11~4 chicken strips (jack in the box)
6~small curly fries (jack in the box)
0~dt. coke
4~starbucks

so i have no more points left for the day so what will i eat for dinner? i will eat more points and try to watch how many points i eat. a nice big salad sounds good right about now.

sorry for the ranting but i needed to get it out.

how much water should you drink???

i have been thinking about this question the last few days mainly because i did not drink alot of water too much pop this weekend :( so i ask you the question how much water do you drink in day?? thought it would be nice to give a piece of help full information on this hot summers day.

How Much Water Should You Drink?
by J. Foster

We all know the importance of adequate hydration. However, water consumption requires a balance of sorts and it's entirely possible to drink too much water. Over-hydration and hyponatremia - although rare - can be a problem (particularly among endurance athletes).
What do the experts really say about water intake? How can you ensure you drink the right amount?
Keeping Count: The Traditional View Guidelines are constantly changing. In 2004, the Institute of Medicine effectively overruled the 8 glass a day rule - with a new report. They stated a general daily recommendation of 2.7 liters (91 ounces) of total water for women and 3.7 liters (125 ounces) for men. This includes water from all sources (foods and drinks).
Water intake from food will vary depending on your diet (higher fruit and vegetable intake means higher water intake). Some experts suggest that 20% of water intake comes from food.
Here are some tips to keeping count.

Wake up to water--literally. Before you eat or drink anything else in the morning, have a glass of water.

Drink out of a measured bottle or sports drink container. If you know 1 bottle = 12 ounces, you can figure out how many ounces to drink to meet your body’s daily needs. Know your numbers so you can meet your goal.

Track your intake with a loose schedule. Don’t be too rigid, but find a general schedule that works for you (say, 2 glasses in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and 2 in the evening). This will help spread out consumption and regulate your water intake.
Winging It: Using Urine ColorIf urine is dark in color - you are not drinking enough. Urine should be a light color and should occur every 2-3 hours (webmd). The trouble here is; what is "dark" to one person may be "light" to another.

Other Factors That Affect Intake Levels The more you sweat, the more water you lose. So heat and exercise play a major role, and, of course, any medical conditions that may affect fluid balance.

Controversy and a Thorough Debunking In the American Journal of Physiology (2002), Heinz Valtin does a complete and utter debunking of the "8x8 myth". He also goes on to question the need for a high water intake at all, and states that caffeinated and alcoholic beverages do indeed count toward daily water intake.

The Answer?It seems no-one really agrees. May I suggest that for the average sedentary person - there is no need to overdo the water intake. For those aiming to manage body weight - it may assist in the feeling of fullness and thus lead to less food intake.

For those doing exercise - increased water intake is important. Where considerable sweating occurs, then it is very important to maintain electrolyte balance (see a discussion on Gatorade).
The Irony While we obsess about the correct water intake, there are still 1,067,789,000 people that do not have easy access to clean drinking water (WHO/UNICEF).

It makes you think.
And while you're thinking about that - contemplate the words of Todd Jarvis, associate professor at OSU.
"in America we’re spending $20,000 every minute of every day on bottled water."
"tap water that originally cost maybe five cents a gallon can be sold now for $4 a gallon."
Ever thought about the environmental consequences of creating up to 2.5 million tons of plastic bottles each year?
Someones making a lot of money from our obsession with "adequate hydration".

quote for the day

"the harder I work the more I live"

George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950) Irish playwright

what day is it?

taking one day at a time trying to keep a grip on my eating and controlling my weight. some days are so much better then others, why is that? why is it that you can do so well on some days and on other days you can eat everything in sight and not think about what you are doing. i am trying to have a good day, so far so good i have been thinking about my points and planning them out for the day, and i still have enough to eat a good dinner.

points~
5~smart one breakfast sammy
4~starbucks (i know i was to give this up)
2~smart one
1~beagle
1~pudding

at this point i am not to sure what dinner will be tonight but i will keep it in my point range :)

tuesdays point is

really nothing at all just my way to keep track of my points.

3~oatmeal
4~chicken salad with ff ranch dressing
1~60 cal pudding
4~starbucks
1~100 cal popcorn
2~100 cal snack
7~4 small turkey taco's
1~ww fudge pop
4~toast and butter

another monday

and a small gain of .4 which i am totally okay with. i thought for sure it would be 1 or 2 pounds with all the food that i eat over the weekend. i am looking forward to this week and staying on track and staying within my points. i want to work the program lol (sounds like i am a drug addict working the steps)

i am happy with the fact that i have been working out doing water aerobics monday thur thursday nights from 8 to 9 pm then i am doing water walking on saturdays and sundays from 10 to 11. i am feeling myself thinning/toning which is something that i like sometimes more then when i loose weight it self.

a friday on a thursday

points~
3~oatmeal
3~starbuck (passion tea lemonade)
1~ww bar
3~veggie corndog
2~100 cal chips

points???

i am just blogging my points today, i can't think of anything that i want to blog about.

points~
3~oatmeal
4~starbucks (still need to break this habit)
4~chicken cabbage salad
1~100 cal pop corn
0~green beans
2~mashed potato's
6~pork steak

it's a new day

so my weigh in did not go so well i gained 1.6 pounds i am hopping that most of it is due to water retention. i have been retaining water here lately and not wanting to drink a lot this last weekend either, so that's my story and i'm sticking to it :) so today is another new day and i have not messed it up so far.

points~
3~oatmeal
4~chicken cabbage salad
1~apple sauce
1/2~half of a pita pocket
1~100 popcorn
6~turkey meat loaf
1~corn
3~mashed potato's
??? hello dolly bars (i should have never made these)

picking myselft back up...

after falling flat on my face this weekend with my eating. :( i eat out to much this last weekend and when i stepped on the scale this morning i wanted to scream. so i am not looking forward to my ww weigh in tonight, but it is what it is and i just have to live with it and get back on track. i would have thought with all the walking that i did this weekend it would have off set the eating but i guess not.


points~
3~oatmeal
4~chicken cabbage salad
1~ 60 cal pudding
1/2~half a pita pocket

relay time!!!

Celebrate Remember Fight Back

Yes it it Relay time. I hope to see you at this years event. Event starts at 6pm and is held at the Umatilla County Fair Grounds in Hermiston. A great family event for one and all with games for the kids, a huge silent auction (5-8pm) and great food. All monies raised go to help fighting cancer. To date we have raised over $70,ooo for this years event with more money to come in at the event. Hope you will come and support the American Cancer Society's Relay For Life of Hermiston Giving A Night For The Fight.

thursday

okay so i ate a candy bar last night and waisted 7 points what's up with that. i see the same thing happening again where i am slipping and getting back into old (bad) habits. so i am sticking to my guns today and i have the whole day planned out, and i will not slip up. so here is my food for the day:

3~oatmeal
4~chicken cabbage salad
1/2~half of pita
1~60 cal pudding
2~bagel and cream cheese
4~turkey pita sandwich
0~chips
2~100 cal chocolate bar
1~fresh cherry's
1~ww fudge bar

and i still have 5 points to play with. so check in tomorrow to see if i really did it.



EDIT!!



i am sitting here at work with nothing to do and all i want to do is EAT!! what the hell! i am a board um eater there i said it yes i love to eat when i am board and have nothing else to do. i can eat non stop as long as i have food in front of me. so why am i a board um eater? what's wrong with me that i think i am hungry when really i just need something to do? and all i want right now is this.i want to be like Homer and not care about what i look like but the real true is that i do care about what i look like the older i get the more i want to be thin and healthy and look good for me and for my husband. it just so hard at times when you really want to be good but you end up not being so good. the habits are so hard to break and i see them coming back again and it scares me. i dont' want to go another 14 or 16 weeks loosing and gaining the same 5 pounds. i just want to loose but if i end up having a gain now and then that's okay but not every week. because then i feel as if i am failing me and my friends that look at me and say wow if she can do it then i can do it. so now that i have ranted a little about wanting to eat i have been able to kill time and now i can go home. and so far i have been able to keep to my points:)

it's a hump day baby!!

why is it when you have the best intentions something goes wrong and then you feel bad. today my boss got us starbucks and i had no intentions on having it today i was just going to eat all points so i would not go over today but here i am drinking 3 points worth of starbucks. but it's all good right? i am going to water aerobics tonight so i will work off the 3 points.

i feel like i have slacked off the last couple of days though. last night waiting for dinner to get done cooking i was so hungry so what do i do but start eating. i just couldn't keep myself busy and out of the kitchen to quite eating everything in sight. so why did i eat? because it only made me feel guilty that i ate all that crap before i ate my dinner. it's so frustrating when i do that it's a mindless eating that you think you can control until it's to late and you have eaten way more then you should have and then your mad at yourself for not having any self control. so the rest of today's goal is to have self control and to watch what remaing points i have left for the day.


points~
3~oatmeal
2~bagel and butter
4~chicken cabbage salad
1/2~half a pita
3~starbucks
2~bagel and cream cheese
1~half a pita with butter and garlic
1~green salad with dressing
6~spaghetti
1~ww fudge pop
7~candy bar (not happy about that)

24 flex points left

i'm back :)

i am back from my long (but way to short) weekend at the coast and a crazzzzyyyyy monday at work, then ww and water aerobics. my ww meeting was great i lost 2.4 pounds yes i said 2.4 pounds and i even ate my claim chowder while i as a the coast. i had a great time visiting with my family while i was there and most of them have not seen me for awhile so they where all so proud of me and what i have been able to accomplish with my weight loss. i am still on cloud nine about my weigh in last night. with this loss it keeps me motivated to keep loosing and that i will be able to get to my little goal weight:) i just have to keep fighting each and everyday to that loss, some days will be better then others. keeping track of my points and i think with doing water aerobics it is all working together.

points~
3~oatmeal
4~starbucks
4~chicken cabbage salad
1~whole wheat pita bread
1~60 cal pudding
2~bagel and cream cheese
0~fresh cherry's
2~ww snack
3~cookies :(
7~broccoli chicken bake

31 extra points left

one day closer to friday!!!

i am so over whelmed with the craziness right now! i am leaving tomorrow afternoon for lincoln city, oregon (the great oregon coast). i am sitting here at work wishing i was at home getting everything done before i need to leave. the house needs to be cleaned (not sure why the dogs and dh will only have it in a mess by the time i get back), i have my last relay for life meeting tonight (next week is our event), i still need to pack almost everything (i am not sure what the weather will be like) my bff's want me to go to the pool tonight for another great water aerobics workout (not going to happen which makes me sad), have to drop off the bagels order that came in today to my mother in-law and i need to eat some dinner. so do you think i will get it all done? i know i will but i will be dead tyred by the time my head hits the pillow tonight. even though it's crazy i don't feel like pigging out right now, which makes me really happy. it's so great to see myself changing into this new person who looks at food totaly in a differt way. my first question is how many points?? i am spelring this weekend we are going to our favoirte seafood restaurant while we are there and i am having claim chower, and then i am having a small peice of dark chocolate seafom



points~

3~oatmeal
2~english muffin with jelly
4~chicken cabbage salad
1~60 cal pudding
2~bagel (blueberry) and cream cheese
2~ww snack

a quote for the day...

"You have to find something that you love enough to be able to take risks, jump over the hurdles and break through the brick walls that are always going to be placed in front of you."

George Lucas (1944 - ) Creator of the epic "Star Wars" series

this was emailed to me at work today and i thought that it is so true with my (our) battle with weight loss. we will always have hurdles that we have to deal with and how we deal with them depends on how we look at food. my hurdle is chocolate i love the stuff and i know if i start eating it sometimes i just can't stop, so i try not to keep it around me but i do have a little now and then to treat myself and to keep my over eating under control. i have found out that i love myself enough to make the commitment to change that i am worth this battle of the fat and i know that i will not be the skinny girl in the bikini on the beach but that's ok i will be healthier and skinner then i was 2 years ago and for me that is worth this battle.

points~

2~english muffin with butter

4~starbucks

4~chicken cabbage salad

1~60 cal pudding

2~bagel and cream cheese

6~chicken thighs

2~corn on the cob

1~veggies and dip

2~ww snack

0~hot chocolate w/ sf vanilla flavoring

4~banana and peanut butter

is it tuesday??

i am still so happy from my weigh in last night. i am staying focused and on track today (so far) and i am looking forward to water aerobics again tonight (it's another HOT day outside). i am in love with this salmon dinner that i got at costco, it's a pre-made dinner of salmon, onion and bell pepper kabob's. corey bbq'd it up for me last night before i got home from my ww meeting and it was so good. i wanted to eat more before i left for water aerobics. i did have a little more when i got home and then i had some today for lunch and i still have some for dinner tonight. i should have taken a picture of it before i ate it, next time.

points~
3~oatmeal
2~english muffin with jelly
5~salmon
0~onion and bell pepper
1~60 cal pudding
1~100 cal popcorn
10~salmon
0~onion and bell peppers
0~hot chocolate

if you are a ww person check this out!!

weekend recap

i think i did okay not the best but i am okay with what and how i ate for the weekend. the bbq was a blast we had lots of good food and good conversations. i was proud of myself that i did not over eat and as soon as i was done i walked away from the table (so i would not want more). i made a ww pear crisp that went over really well everyone loved it and it was good for every one's waist lines.

today~
3~oatmeal
4~bbq chicken green salad
1~onion bagel
7~salmon
0~onion and bell pepper
3~ice cream with a cookie

okay so went and weighed into night at my ww meeting and i LOST 1.6 pounds for a total of 65.6 (again) but i am so happy happy that i had a loss tonight. i have been really good this last week and i think that posting my points my be the thing for me to keep doing and blogging. this was my first whole week doing both and i am so happy and enjoying my weight loss journey. i wasn't going to water aerobics tonight but both my bff's wanted to go so i went and i am so glad that i went i feel great and i got some great exercise and i am so relaxed. thanks girls you made my night after my bad monday at work.

this is my new water bottle/cup. the cup is plastic with a plastic straw and i am drinking so much more water out of it then out of glass today i have drank 7 glasses.

let's party it's friday!!!

i am so so happy it's friday :) i am truly looking forward to the weekend. i get to do a little traveling to hood river, oregon with my in-laws to drop off a car to my sister in-law and then our big bbq on sunday. my work day is more then half over and i am getting together with a very cool chic tonight. i hope you are have a great friday as well.

points~
3~oatmeal
4~starbucks (my friday treat)
4~chicken cabbage salad
2~bagel and laughing cow cheese
1~ww bar
0~chips (only 35cals, 0 fat, 1 fiber)
7~subway

attitude is everything!!

wow it is so true that your attitude is everything. if you think you are a loser for not loosing weight you won't loose, but if you think positively you will loose. i am in such good spirits today!!! i am back on track and sticking to the program and feel great, and the most important thing is that i know i can do this. i have been weighing each morning at home and i keep loosing a little at a time. so for all you out there put smile on your face and say i can do this and keep a positive attitude no more negativity. if you eat something that makes you feel guilty tell your self it's only this once and move on you didn't fall off the wagon you just hit a small bump in the road. my bump in the road maybe the great smelling donuts that one of my clients brought into the office today. i have been smelling them every time i walk to the back of my office i am so wanting one, but i have stayed away even though the temptation this there.

the topic at my ww meeting this week was rewards. it got me thinking how do i reward myself for my weight loss to date and the weight that i still need to loose. most of my rewards have been shopping for new clothing since all my other close no long fit (always a good thing to go shopping for a smaller size). but i am not sure what i really want to work for as my reward when i hit my goal weight. so i want to know what have or will be your reward(s) for your weight loss journey?

points~

3 ~ oatmeal
2 ~ english muffin with jelly
3 ~ ww chili
2 ~ bagel and laughing cow cheese
1 ~ 100 cal popcorn
6 ~ donut ( and it didn't even taste that great)
7 ~ ww dinner at applebee's (grilled garlic herb chicken with veggies, yummy!!)
2 ~ ww desert chocolate raspberry cake (shared with my mother in-law)

edit ~ i ate a donut!! so i gave in and ate a plain donut no glaze, no chocolate, no nuts or sprinkles just a plain donut.

over by 3 points today (it's okay) i still have 29 flex points left

did you know

Today, June 11th, is National German Chocolate Cake Day. Your best bet may be to celebrate by scrubbing yourself with a chocolate-scented body polish like this one, as opposed to chewing on some actual German Chocolate Cake. Just my opinion...

hump day!!

so i am happy that today is wednesday it's on day closer to my weekend and to our big fathers day bbq. but i am alittle worried as far as eating that day (the day before my weigh in). but i am planning things that i can eat and not feel guilty having extra of. we are having a bbq chicken thighs, deep fried corn (i will have mine steamed or cooked on the bbq) green salad, baked beans, an asian salad, veggies and dip, and not sure what else will make it way to the table. but i know i can handle the challenge that this will bring. i will not over eat and i will enjoy myself.

i feel great about yesterday and that i keep within my points in fact i still had 3 left over that i did not use because i was so full from dinner. i did not over eat that big for me right now because for some reason i have been over eating and hating myself afterwords. oh and i drank 10 servings of water yesterday, i have been struggling with my water intake but since i got my new cup/bottle i have been doing great. it still amazes me that i will drink more water with a straw then out of a bottle, i am already on my 4th serving and it's not even lunch time yet. i am on track today and it feels great.

3 ~ oatmeal
2 ~ english muffin with jelly
3 ~ ww chili
2 ~ bagel and cream cheese
2 ~ grapes
1 ~ ww cookie
13 ~ steak salad with light ranch dressing (big in points but tasted so so good)

32 flex points left.

it's a tuesday

so my weigh in last night did not go the way i wanted it i gained .2 this time. so today i am committed 100% to keep on track and keep within my points and i will take one day at a time and do my very best each day. no more negativity on the gains positive out look to keep me on track. i know i can do this just stay focused on the big (smaller) picture that you will look great.

points~

3 ~ oatmeal
4 ~ chicken cabbage salad
2 ~ bagel and cream cheese
0 ~ hot chocolate and sf vanilla flavoring
2 ~ ww snack pack
4 ~ ww chili
3 ~ corn chips
2 ~ grapes



this made me happy when i got home and found this in my mail box. i love when i get my new ww magazine in the mail. i read it cover to cover word for word.

i have to say that i am really happy today with what i have eaten and that i have keep to my point limit and right now i still have 3 points left at 8:30 pm that's good right now for me.

till tomorrow!!

points what points?

so i did not do so well this weekend at keeping track of my points. saturday was a free for all at my bff's house while scrapbooking, and sunday was not to bad but i did have 3 diet root beers and only 2 glasses of water. so i am back on the ban wagon of being good again, i think i do this every monday :)

okay so my points for today!

3 ~ oatmeal
4 ~ starbucks (i think i said i needed to stay away for a while)
4 ~ chicken cabbage salad
1 ~ 60 cal pudding snack
2 ~ 100 cal snack pack
2 ~ 100 snack pack
2 ~ ww snack pack
53 ~ burger, fries, milk shake (a very bad girl)


wish me luck i have weigh in here a about an hour and i am scared that i will have another gain. i just really heat food (ya right) now. i will post the good or the bad later tonight.

it's friday :)

2 ~ english muffin with butter
4 ~ starbucks
6 ~ subway
1 ~ ww cookie
2 ~ pringle stixs
? ~ went out for dinner at El Palma (mexican)

so my weigh in last night was not so good another week and i gained again .8 so i am at a total loss of 64.2 pounds. i have gained back 6.2pounds in 12 weeks what's up with that. i am just so stressed about this now what happened to enjoying loosing the weight? now it's a battle and i am starting to hate it. someone told me yesterday that i need to cut my carbs out for a few days and that will help drop some weight fast, but what will happen when i start eating my carbs again? why does this have to be so damn hard? i know nothing in life is easy, but this should be i should be at my goal weight by now instead of struggling to get there. the bad thing is that i don't hate my weight i like where i am at but in order to have a life time membership with ww (to not pay anymore) i need to loose more weight i need to be at least 146 pounds can i really make that weight goal? i really think not and i am not sure i want to be that thin i think i would really be happy in the 150's that would get me a couple of sizes smaller and a little lighter. so i am going to talk with my dr. and see what he says about where i should truly be, and i hope he will take me off one of my meds or cut the amount i have to take per day. ok so enough of this.

my point is

4 ~ cereal w/ milk
4 ~ starbucks ( i think i need to cut these out for a few weeks)
7 ~ taco salad
? ~ nilla cakesters (bad girl but they are so good)
2 ~ 100 cal kudo's bar
0 ~ celery stick and pea pods

points

3 ~ oatmeal
3 ~ starbucks (mocha peppermint frap light)
? ~ small muffin
0 ~ green beans
1 ~ mashed potato
4 ~ pork steak
2 ~ 100 cal snack pack
2 ~ ww cookies
3 ~ chips and home made salsa
7 ~ 4 small taco's
2 ~ ww ice cream

not sure what will be for dinner at this time i am thinking either taco salad or taco's with ground turkey.

tuesday's points

3 ~ oatmeal (cinnamon roll)
3 ~ starbucks (carmel frap light)
4 ~ chicken cabbage salad (all my idea)
2 ~ 90 cal snack pack (chocolate mint rice cakes)
1 ~ 100 cal popcorn snack (kettle corn)
0 ~ dt. pepsi
2 ~ ww snack pack
6 ~ pork steak
1 ~ green beans
3 ~ mashed potateo's
1 ~ ww fudge pop

i feel good today even though I did not stay within my points today but i am okay with that. i went and worked out at curves tonight and got a 30 min workout in, that really makes me feel good.

the weekend update.

so my weekend went well except for my eating. man i am so mad at myself for eating like a cow and eating all the wrong things. so what's wrong with me, why do i want to eat everything in sight even when i am full. i eat and eat and i know i am full i can feel it but i can not walk away or push the plate away from me. why is it in my head that i can do this and still try to loos weight, when i really know the truth and that is i will gain every time. i think for the next couple of weeks i am going to track my points on my blog here for everyone to see and hope that i will want to watch what i eat because you all then can judge me about what i am eating. sorry for the ramble, hope you had a good monday.

summer blog challenge

i have signed up for a summer blog weight loss challenge here go check it out and there are more challenges here. so go check them out see if anything will help or inspire you for to look great this summer. i am looking forward to this challenge and to meet some new women that are struggling with there weight just like me. this is the whole point of this blog to express my heavy weighted feelings and the size of my ass.

happy friday to you!

it's Friday and i am so so so happy!!! i think part of it is that i fit back into a pair of jeans that i have been unable to wear (comfortably) for a while. even though i had a gain weighing in last night. i am getting back onto the treadmill wagon and am going to start walking/running my bouncing butt off. i got a phone call about early bird water aerobics that will be starting here next week, i am so looking forward to starting this again loved it last year, i have two new swim suits ready to get wet and not fit me by the end of the summer.

Weight in time!

so i have to say that i am not looking forward to weighing in here in about an hour. i am scared that i will have eaten my way to another gain and i am so tired of gaining i want to be loosing even if it is .2 as long as it's a loss i don't care at this point. i did not weigh in last week as i was out of town on vacation, and i ate what i wanted to eat while i was on vacation thinking the whole time that i should not be eating this it show on the scale next week. i will be back later to post what my results where. till later.


edit: okay so i gained but i only gained .6 in two weeks so not so bad and i am still at 65 pounds lost. so what am i going to do to get my ass back on track? i have no clue what to do and i think this freaks me out the most of all.

i need to say thanks to my BFF's (you know who you are) for you support and encouragement that you give to me. thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!

a before and current photo

this photo was taken september 2006 this photo was taken march 2008

so okay looking at the first photo in this post and realizing i was the FAT brings tears to my eyes. and then i ask myself why did i let this happen to myself, and i have no answer for this question. i am so thankful to a couple of people who showed me Weight Watchers and that if they could lose weight so could i. thank you to Amy and Cassandra for showing me that there was help and that i was not alone in this battle of the bulge.

My first post!!

Well this is my first post for this new blog about my weight loss goals, challenges and disappointments.

Back ground:

Started Weight Watchers December 7th, 2006 starting weight was 239 pounds. As of today's date I am at 172 pounds for a total loss of 67 pounds. Starting size was a 22 pants and 2xl shirts and currently I am in a 14 pant and L or M in shirts.

I am so happy with what I have been able to accomplish but I am so so so stuck right now. I have gone back to my old ways and eating what ever when ever I want to. This is really playing some back head games with me. I want to get to my goal of 139 (a 100 pounds lost) but right now I feel as if I will never get there. So what's the problem with me I was doing so great then I fell (flat on my face) I can't seem to get back on track and stick with the program and keep with in my points each day.

Well enough for right now till next time.